6/1/12

Sarah Palin has rejected Jesus as a role model for Americans

Sarah Palin has rejected Jesus as a role model for Americans and is apparently leaving her church. She is preparing a series of tweets to explain.

"It's true," she told reporters outside her home in Wasilla, AK. "Jesus is is a one-world socialist opposed real American religion. He's weak on defense, permissive on crime and not one of us. He'd destroy national security with his be-platitudes. He's worse than President Obama.  Jesus would probably oppose Israel. I can't accept that."

When a reporter suggested Palin's political career could be ruined, she answered, "Oh really?"



Home Wrecker

"Look," she explained. "I'm a maverick, but I'm not a home wrecker. Jesus' family values were in the cellar. He dissed his mom and his sibs. He accused his dad of desertion."

Palin has not entirely rejected her former beliefs. "I actually believe when people die, a handful will be saved and return here to Alaska. I am not sure Jesus will be among them."

Palin says she now sees Jesus as a utopian socialist.  "He's a ucialist!" she replied. "Yep, he believes in ucialism."

Todd Palin commented, "Sarah's one tough lady. She's never been afraid to let chips fall where they may."

"Maybe it's time for a gal messiah," Palin said.




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